Communication & Relationships: You Can't Have One Without the Other

"The problem with communication... is the illusion that it has been accomplished."

- George Bernard Shaw

Hola Everyone!!!!!! How goes it??? Yes yes, I'm back with yet some more inspirational stuff to say lol.  Today I'm touching on the importance of communication and how absolutely essential it is for successful relationships. You'd be so surprised about how many people (including my self sometimes) don't know this, so let's be on with it!!!

Communication is defined as "the imparting or interchanges of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs."

In my opinion, communication means different things to different people. For you, communication might only include speaking in some way, be it face-to-face, over the phone, etc. To another person, communication could also include, text messaging, emailing, or the non-verbal cues that so many of us use to say the things that we may not be able to say out loud. No matter what your definition of communication is, the important part is that it's done, through whatever medium you prefer. The problem is, there are so many people who are in relationships where there's a lack communication, the communication is done by all one person, or there is a breach in successful communication, because of differences in opinions and ideas. But without communication, a relationship (and please note, when i say relationships, I'm referring to romantic ones) can never truly be fulfilling.

Now, before I go any further with my preaching. let me be up front with ya'll about myself, because I'm definitely one of those people who may not be the best communicator, esp. when it comes to my relationship. My boyfriend will be the first one to tell you, I am quick to jump the gun and hop on that speed boat to Angerville at the drop of a dime, before I even hear what he has to say about the situation. Both him and I have very strong personalities, and with that comes a set of different opinions and ideas on what may, or may not be, the correct thing to say or do in a situation. Strangely enough, he's more willing to discuss an issue that he's having with me than i am. I do something he doesn't like, he tells me, I say okay got it i'll try and fix that, if need be we discuss it, and then we go on happily. HE does something I don't like, I get mad and stop talking to him, all the while going off about what a complete bastard he is to one (or all lol oopsie) of my best friends, and THEN, after some coercing from him, I tell him what the issue is, and we deal with it. To say the least, this is NOT effective. Anyway, eventually (eventually meaning after like 18 trillion fights) I realized that I was going about our relationship all the wrong way, and I needed to calm my crazy ass down, shut up, listen, and collaborate with him to figure out ways to fix our issues, like he does for me. We talked about it... I promised to communicate better, he apologized for saying stupid things (oopsie, I meant to say things I disagree with ;) ), and we've been better ever since.

The point is, a relationship is a partnership, and a partnership is a collaboration between two (or more, if that's the way ya'll roll ;) ) people, working towards a common goal, in this case, that goal being harmony. In a partnership, there is no "I" or "You"... there's "WE", and without communicating with each other, how are "WE" ever supposed to work towards creating harmony. My boyfriend told me one day, "I can't read your mind!!! I don't always know what you want..." and that made me realize that unless people speak up, how in the HELL do they expect to get the things that they desire. NO ONE can read someone's mind. All we can do is go by the verbal and/or non-verbal cues that we are given.

SO... think about your relationship. What issues do you and your partner have??? Why do you have these issues??? What can possibly be done to fix these issues??? And then, once you've thought about that, sit down with your partner and talk to them about it. Figure out ways that you can work together to make certain aspects of your relationship better, think about things that can be done to eradicate bad habits, and then think about the pet peeves that you and your partner have with each other, and figure out ways to fix them.

THE GOAL of all this is to go from several areas of conflict... to a few... to only a couple.

THE POINT is to learn to SPEAK UP!!!!!!!

So many of our issues stem from us not saying anything about a particular behavior or situation, and when it keeps occurring over and Over and OVER again, we just sit quietly, while the anger in us builds up, and eventually... we EXPLODE!!!

Let's eradicate that horrible habit we have!!!

Let's promise to identify the source(s) of annoyance we have in our relationship and communicate them to our partners!!!

Let's stop being so headstrong , and learn to just listen!!!

Let's agree to disagree on some things, and then work out a compromise on others!!!

Simply put...

LET'S START COMMUNICATING!!!!!!

I promise you that your relationship will be better for it :).

You can thank me later hahaha.

XoXo,

Krystal E. Ellis

The Struggle to Stay Happy: a Piece by Treasure Pinkston

I feel honored to write this blog about the struggles in my relationship. I hope that the people who read this will learn from my mistakes and grow from it. 

My relationship has been on and off for the past 12 years and we’ve had a lot of problems since day 1. The number one problem when we first started was distance. We communicated only through letters and phone calls. After a while, the distance killed us and we reached out to other people, rather than each other.  We didn’t last long, but love brought us together once again and we gave it another try.

Things were fine until people started coming into the relationship, mainly my friends. They eventually became problem number two. By this time, distance was no longer a problem. My friends judged my boyfriend for what he didn’t have rather than his personality. We, as a couple, struggled, because we were constantly fighting my friends. I grew tired of the situation and we just parted ways. I jeopardized my happiness for my friends. I wasn’t happy with my decision and neither was he. So, I came up with the idea to date my boyfriend secretly.  Eventually, he grew tired of my always lying to my friends and I had to make a decision to tell them or lose him. I told them and that’s when the real drama started.

The lying turned into fighting which resulted in him neglecting me. It really bothered me that he was neglecting me, so I turned to someone else and I cheated. That was one of the worst things I could ever have done. Yes, he didn’t pay attention, but I should have talked to him first and let him know what was going on before I went to someone else. Thank god me cheating didn’t end our relationship. It was a struggle to get past, still is, but we sat down and talked about our plans and feelings.  

Since then, we have worked through each problem by talking it out. Each time we ran into a situation, we could have let it end us, but we didn’t. No matter what the situation is, communication and understanding is the key to any relationship, along with compromise, quality time, and security.  I’m glad that my relationship has survived throughout all the struggles and hardships, but I know that it’s not over yet.

Treasure Pinkston

I Knew: Poem by Mercedes Robinson

I knew. . .

From the very begining I knew
I knew I could love you, care for you, want to be with you. . .
And not specifically in that order
The walls and barriors of my heart began to fall from the very moment I looked into your eyes
The disguise that I wore trying to hide the pain I felt inside came to its demise
Once I saw your face. . .I knew
Damn. . .I just knew
But things changed. . .
No longer the same as when you first came to my domain, and not in vain, for that final kiss goodbye
Until I see you again. . .
I knew as time would pass, feelings would grow
And they did for me, I don't know about you though
I hid it well but everyone I knew seemed to know
From how I smiled every time you were brought up, to how my heart skipped when you did the littlest stuff
Sad to say, its like I could never get enough
I thought everything was all good
But now I see it's not the same
And. . .I knew
You would think that normally things PROGRESS in this game
This game of love, of intimacy, of trust and fulfillment
I now see that with you that is not the case
And once again. . .I knew
The look on my face when I fell back in this emotional race was of utter shock and total distaste as I seen my place seemingly decrease
Yet I knew. . .
From head runner, first place in your heart. . .
To runner up. . .the distance seeming further apart
And in the matter of moments I was last
Last behind your "me time"
Last behind your friends
Last behind things that didn't even matter in the end
But I kept running. . .trying not to give in
Trying to catch up. . .trying harder to win
But there is no pleasing you anymore
Nothing I do seems to be right
I was taught never to give up on a fight
But now. . .on this very day. . .
I feel its time to take off my running shoes and simply walk away
Because I knew. . .