The Importance of Knowing What to Look For

Knowing what to look for in a person is ABSOLUTELY one of the most important things you need to know, before you go searching for a relationship. In order to avoid allowing all kinds of riff raff into your life, it is important that you have clearly defined rules on what you will and will not allow a person to do while they are with you. I was fortunate enough to get a friend of mine to write a personal piece on why it's important to him to know what to look for in a woman. I hope that you take something from it:


Hi, my name is Amir and, well, I’m new to this. Currently, I am listening to the Purple Rain album while I write this piece about knowing the qualities that you look for in a person, when pursuing a relationship.

 I have been hurt many times in the past, being used as a pawn to help someone feel better about themselves, not realizing at the time that they were only pretending to like me as an act of kindness. It was so hurtful and confusing to be used as an ego booster for someone. It hurt to be used physically, to be kissed and held by someone, only for them to tell me later that I must be too good to be true, and that I remind them of someone who hurt them in the past. Another girl pretended to have all the qualities I was looking for in a woman, because she knew that I would treat her right. However, her actions proved otherwise, and I ended up being broken in the process.

I felt like I was being hurt so many times, because I didn’t know what I was looking for. So I wrote down a list of all the qualities that I looked for in a woman. However, I made the mistake of showing it to a girl whom I was talking to, and, as I mentioned previously, she tried to project all of these qualities onto herself, although her actions did not validate them. Since then, I have learned not to show anyone my list, but instead use it as a private mental checklist to ensure that I find what I am looking for.

Now, I know some people might say that I’m silly for formulating a list of qualities that I’m looking for, and expecting to find them all, but when you’re single, or even if you’re with someone, and nothing is working out, you give anything a try. When you write this list of “goals” that you have for your relationship, it’s like your mind focuses on them, and locks it in, and what you’re looking for actually comes. I did this recently, and someone came into my life who I had a real connection with. She had so many of the qualities on my list, but she also had qualities that I knew would hurt me in the future, so we mutually parted ways. Even though it didn’t work out, it was still a better experience than my pasts ones, because I knew that the qualities she possesed were actually real, and weren’t fabricated in order to conform to my ideals of a perfect woman.

I’m hoping that the people reading this aren’t thinking, “this guy asks for too much, he has too many requirements.” Lol,  I just don’t settle for less, because often times when you just freestyle the relationship, you get hurt. I hope that you understand where I’m coming from, and that this helps you in some way.

-Amir Muhammad